When we are kids, we get asked repeatedly what we want to be when we grow up. And, like the children we were, most of us had no clue how to put into words what we really, truly wanted to be when we grew up. I feel like I can finally put into words, the complicated emotions and desires entwined within that very loaded question.
So what do I want to be?
Happy. But not just your run of the mill, everyday happy platitudes that you find in greetings cards and internet quotes. I mean I want that, honest to goodness, down-to-the-core, no-holds-barred, come what may kind of happy… and I want to share it with the world.
The first moment that I was really truly happy was the day I became a father. From halfway around the world, in the midst of a shitty deployment, fighting an enemy that just wanted the same things I did (in their own way), dodging rockets and cursing the heavens.. that was when I was really, truly, happy for the first time. And now that I know what true happiness feels like, I want to shout the secret from the rooftops so that we might all share in the warmth.
I know now, why I have always been drawn to the heroes in my comic books. And why, most specifically, the Green Lantern, and Spider Man have always been my favorites in each comic book universe. These two heroes were men of great ability, and courage, yet they never really did anything with them beyond simply “living,” secretly desiring more, but not a clue what that might be. Then, each in their own way, was given the task, the chore, the power, the responsibility to use those abilities and desires for the greater good of the world.
Hal Jordan and Peter Parker were men who did not ask to take up the mantle of hero. Nor did they ask to be beacons of hope and justice that they were destined to become. But each CHOSE to accept the responsibility thrust upon them, because each man knew deep down inside themselves, like me, that they had the power, the ability, and the courage to be a force for good. They became the altruistic heroes who would knowingly sacrifice their own safety, happiness, and very lives should the moment call for it, just to protect those who otherwise could not do it for themselves. I am just like these men.
I want to help people. Not just anyone mind you, and not in just any way. I want to help those who need to catch a break. Those who are downtrodden and forgotten, yet still find a way to carry on day after day in search of happiness. I want to show these heavy-hearted souls that happiness truly DOES exist, but that it does not come without true sacrifice. This is the way of the world because like it or not, you will never appreciate or value anything until you have the contrast of loss to see it’s shine.
I want to be the force for good. whether I do it politically as president of the United States, scientifically through my studies and technical innovation, or even as a simple blogger providing inspiration through the various ways I reach out and open up to the world. This is my responsibility.. to put myself on the line, to give up what I want, and to sacrifice for the betterment of others. Like the heroes of my comic books who would give up and sacrifice every shred of themselves just to provide hope, to make sure that a genuine smile does not fade prematurely, or to allow for a simple hug to resonate further and wider than just the two people sharing it.
These are the profound moments that make life worth living, and this is what true happiness can accomplish. This is what the face of love truly looks like and this is how I will fulfill my responsibility to my fellow man woman and child. This is how I will do my solemn duty to the world. It is my sacrifice, and my gift to you.
This is who I have always wanted to be.. when I grew up.
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